lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
