so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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