Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
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I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
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We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
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