K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
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