i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
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