if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
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