I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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