I saw his package. It spoke to me.
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Randomize
