you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
