How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
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