So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Randomize
