Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
