Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
Randomize
