I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
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