The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
