I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Randomize
