I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
