They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Randomize
