You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
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