I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
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