I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
