a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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