We're like a lot better than the average bears
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
