her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
it glows. i had to have it.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
Randomize
