Sry I called you an 8
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
My bed is full of blood and feathers
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
