census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
Randomize
