My hair reeks of homosexuality.
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
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