Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
Randomize
