I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
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He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
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Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Never joke about your clitoris.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
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