So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
