I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
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