i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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