We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
we should paint friendship bongs
Randomize
