I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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