I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
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