Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
I love you. Go after that dick
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
Randomize
