I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
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