I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
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