Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize
