I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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