based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Randomize