Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
