i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize
