when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
