Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
You did what with his pubic hair?
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
