He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
