hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Randomize
