god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
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