I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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