He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
