if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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