What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
