Pappa wants mamma naked
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
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