Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Randomize
