Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
That's intense
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Randomize
