ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
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