i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Randomize
