Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
