I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Randomize
