regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
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