OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
