he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
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