1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
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