if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
i just made my gag reflex go away.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
Randomize
