He told me they were just razor bumps!
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
