sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
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But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
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It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
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