Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
