he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
