I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
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