I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
Randomize
